Puff It Out
by OnigiriWaifu
Summary: Can Hermione keep it together? Can she hide the facade she has built over the years? All the drugs all the vices- can she really keep it? or will a certain platinum haired boy catch her in the act and maybe fall for her in the process of helping her?


**Hermione's POV**

I sat down by the window of my room. I had one night left before returning back to Hogwarts and honestly—I feel as though this year will finally be my chance to show who I truly am.

_Goody two shoes my ass._

I thought to myself as I grab my pack of cigarettes stored under the pillow of my bed. I stand up and swiftly make my way to my door and lock it. I put my ear against the wood and hear the hushed voices of my parents. I bit my lip as I stop myself from my tears threatening to fall. I know all about their problems, I know that they are filing for a divorce soon. They're not happy and so am I. I clench the pack in my hands and make my way back to my window. I open it and gladly welcome the breeze inside my room. I take the rolled-up nicotine and light the end of the cigarette. I inhale deeply and release the smoke out into the night.

_When did I start this nasty habit?_

_Was it because I was bored out of my mind after finishing all the books I had inside my room?_

_Or was it because I needed an escape from the thoughts consuming my head?_

I felt myself relax as I let my senses be filled up with nicotine. I felt my fingers tremble as I bring the cigarette back up in between my lips.

_I'm addicted and I can't stop._

I look around my room and I see nothing but the outline of my bed; My night lamp barely illuminating the darkness.

_I miss Harry and Ron_.

They barely wrote to me. They often do that; it seems like each summer, the letters lessen. I don't blame them—it's the only time Harry could ever relax without Voldermort consuming his head. It's hell for him to go back to Hogwarts— It's hell for all of us.

_The Golden Trio's last and final year after the war._

I crush the end of the cigarette against my thigh. Pain immediately flooded my senses but all I could do was suck in a sharp breath. I toss it out the window and make my way towards my bed and greeted sleep like a lover.

—- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I give my parents a kiss on the cheek and with one last look at their fake smiles, I disappear into the column and find myself in Platform 9 3/4. I sigh as I trudge along with the mass of people. I kept my head down ignoring the excited whispers of people who I manage to pass by.

_That's her!_

_She's one part of the golden trio!_

_That's Harry Potter's best-friend!_

_She saved me, mum!_

I feel myself smile at the mention of saving somebody. I wish I could've saved everybody. I wish I could save myself from my addictions. I wonder how that would feel. As I make my way to the opening of the train, I felt myself being engulfed by two figures.

_"Mione!" _Two familiar voices said in sync and that made me chuckle. They felt like home. My two best friends, I'm finally with them again. I let myself out of their grasp and I step back and look at them. Harry grew muscle over the summer, obviously from the daily quidditch that the Weasley's have been doing. His famous shaggy hair is still the same, the signature lightning bolt scar was still there, and his green eyes that used to look so tired were now vibrant as ever. Ron, on the other hand, was still the same as ever although his hair is now different— he cut it short just like when we were in our 3rd year. It fit him quite well. He bulked up as well and he had a half-smile that made my heart beat twice as fast. I looked down to his lips and remember the kiss we shared inside the Chamber of Secrets.

_Fuck. Don't tell me my feelings are coming back._

I quickly shook the thoughts out of my head before I give them the biggest smile I could muster.

"_I missed you! You guys never wrote back!_" I exclaimed as my brows furrow in annoyance.

Ron and Harry gave each other a confused look before disagreeing.

"_What do you mean?_" Ron asked and Harry piqued in with a "_Mione, shouldn't it be us asking you that question?_" A wave of disbelief overwhelmed me "_I never got any letters from you, I thought you guys forgot about me, really!_" I said as I racked my brains for possible answers as to why I didn't receive any letters. Only one possible reason for that is my parents kept them from me. They never supported me going far away from home. After returning their memories I got a handful of screaming from them. No "_thank you_" or "_I'm glad you're safe_" just a horrid amount of angry words thrown around the house.

"_It's alright, at least we're together again,_" I say with a sigh as I try to reassure them that everything's fine. The two men relaxed and hugged me once more before we boarded for Hogwarts.

_"__Ron, can we stop buying these bloody chocolate frogs?!"_ Harry exclaimed as he sunk further down his seat. _"They're delicious! What are you talking about?"_ Ron replied looking at Harry with wide questioning eyes as he attempted to put another frog in his already full mouth. _"I keep getting Dumbledore. I have twenty of him already I—"_ Harry was cut off mid-sentence when Ginny peeked her head in the booth. Harry's face turned a deep shade of red before clamping his mouth shut. _"Hello, have any of you seen Luna's copy of The Quibbler?"_ Ginny asked, her eyes darting from me and then to Ron; never once looking at Harry.

_"Nope."_ Harry replied for us not looking at her. I bit my lip at their little 'exchange' and looked over at Ron who looked around awkwardly. Ginny's eyes landed on Harry and her face turned as red as her hair. _"Hi. Harry… I didn't see you earlier, I'm sorry for being rude"_ She said with an embarrassed smile at the end. _"It's fine I've always been invisible to you anyways_" He said with an awkward laugh. Ron gave out a little cough and I made a face that clearly showed that this conversation should be held outside. "_Uhm, I'll be going to another booth now then—you know to look for Luna's quibbler"_ She drifted off as she gave us another smile and ran off.

_"So, what happened between you and my annoying little sister?"_ Ron asked obviously curious.

_"What? What made you say that anything happened?"_ Harry lied through his teeth

_"Well you know we were together the whole summer and—"_ I blocked their babbling and started to drift off to my own world. My hands started to shake as I fall into the trap that's my mind.

When did I start feeling this empty? I wonder what my parents are doing now, did I leave any trace of cigarettes inside my room? What if they found my hidden stash of weed?

and as quickly as I thought of the devil's lettuce, the urge to smoke grew even stronger. This bad habit I developed over the last two summers hasn't done me any good. I rubbed my temples in annoyance.

_I can't even keep my vices to a minimum anymore. The urge is too much._

_I need it._

_I fucking need it right fucking now._

and with that last thought that urged me to grab my pack, I excused myself from the chatter of Harry and Ron.

I shakily make my way to the back of the carriage; the train isn't as full as it used to be. I mean, this was just an optional year for us—The war was over, surely people needed to rest and to get their mind off of the bodies scattered around Hogwarts itself.

I spotted an empty booth quite far from the students who wanted to return to complete their final year. It looked like a

_smoking room?_

I tilt my head in confusion, certainly, this wasn't allowed before and if such a compartment existed before then why have I not seen it? _"this is weird, but I'll take it"_ I muttered as I slide the glass door open. The booth immediately drew the curtain around the door, I was surrounded in darkness until a little light above me illuminated the place. I turned around and saw a small window to my left overlooking the way to the wizarding school. I felt something inside my clenched fist, and I opened my hand to find a letter for… me?

I carefully unfold it and to my surprise, it was from Luna?

_**Hello Hermione,**_

_**This might be quite a shock to you, but I could sense the way you were feeling**_

_**quite weird, don't you think? I thought you might need this room to help you **_

_**ease your restlessness—I asked the nargles for help and gladly they obliged.**_

_**You're very lucky.**_

_**\- Luna Lovegood**_

I quickly put the piece of paper inside my jacket pocket and unexpectedly found another.

**_Also, if you've seen my copy of The Quibbler please do tell me!_**

I chuckle to myself softly, Luna has been becoming terribly good at reading me.

_I need to keep this mask up and it needs to be sturdier. _

I take my pack out from the front pocket of my pants and quickly light the cig up. I inhale deeply and suddenly the shaking of my hands stopped.

Unknowingly, Draco Malfoy was outside the compartment she was in and was curious as to whoever was inside.


End file.
